updating the update
We've had a few very long nights. The first couple went okay, but we seem to be going backward. I'm no longer taking the easy route and leaving it up to Matt, who is rather grumpy, fighting a weeklong cold and out of patience. Even though we didn't get much sleep last night, we did make it through the whole night with no nursing. I guess that's progress of a sort, but the boy is no nearer sleeping through the night. We had a major division in our parenting strategies last night, but I'm going to give Matt the benefit of the doubt and blame sleep deprived delirium for his decision to not only resort to the cry it out method, but lock our son alone in the basement in the middle of the night. That lasted all of the 30 seconds it took me to realize what he had just done. His defense was that's where the playpen was and we need to make him learn to sleep on his own.I half-heartedly tried to make him CIO in our room. It doesn't work so well when there's nothing keeping him in his bed and I can't stay away for more than about two minutes. I started back down the hall for the second time and in Matt's frustration and trying to convince me to stay out, he said "if you go in, he's just going to know that if cries harder you'll come back." All I said was, "I know" and I'm sure it sounded like I was conceding, but what I meant was, "I know, and that's what I want him to think. I want him to know that I'll always come back." That was the end of trying to make him go to sleep by himself. I'm so frustrated that these last few nights have Matt questioning our methods of the last 21 months.
I'm having a hard time staying dedicated to this. We all need a full night's sleep. I know that. I also know that no child has ever starved from going 10-11 hours without eating overnight. It's just so hard when I'm rubbing his back and I can feel each of his ribs, his spine is so prominent and my fingers catch on his sharp shoulder blades. Worse, was when his stomach was growling and my milk was leaking, but I couldn't give in because I'd been telling him for the last hour and a half that it was time to sleep, not eat and he could nurse in the morning. He's tiny and he was hungry and what he wanted was right there and making a mess. It was at that point that I handed him back off to Matt. His feral growls of "I want mom!" would have made me giggle if my heart wasn't breaking. It seems like I can't win and no matter which way we go I feel like I'm being selfish or causing some sort of damage to my child. and now I'm totally bawling. I blame exhaustion
in other news:
We finally have a time estimate on our car. Put down any beverages. It is expected to take 20 working days. That's about 4 weeks. Given that shop's track record for meeting past estimated timelines- as in we were supposed to know last wednesday, then friday, then monday by 2pm and I finally had to call again Tuesday afternoon just to find out what was going on... I'm hoping we have it back before we need the all wheel drive. I'm glad that we aren't paying for the rental and that the place we sent is on the short list of recommended repair shops.
The insurance company was of the mind that since Howie's carseat was unoccupied, it didn't need replaced. Armed with some info from fanatic Alicia and this site, they've agreed to replace it. Good thing, because we certainly don't have another $220+tax to drop on the same model. My favorite line from the information I gathered was “If you won’t replace the car seat, I’ll need a signed letter from you that states that your company is liable and will pay all costs should anything happen to my child if the car seat fails in a future crash.” he he.
Howie's weight was 21 lbs 3 oz. The 3 lb goal came from his 18 month appointment, and is the gain needed to get him back on the charts at age 2. I laughed when I heard it and it still makes me shake my head. He's eating better all the time, and still only gaining a couple ounces a month. I'm out of ideas.
sorry for the downer of an update. where there any questions I missed? I'm going to take a nap.
posted by Valarie @ 12:01 PM
12 Comments:
This must be so hard. Its so hard to know what to do when you are tired and sleep deprived.
Just keep telling yourself that eventually he WILL sleep through the night. You can do it. Good luck!
I'm sorry you have two such yucky things going on... I don't know what to tell you about Howie. Is it a matter of comfort nursing or hungry nursing?
Hope the car doesn't take as long as they think it will. It's so frustrating when outside forces conspire against you (that sounds so New Agey).
(((HUGS))) on the weaning/sleeping through the night.
If you need anything---seriously, I'll come play with your kid for an hour or two so you can have a nap---le me know!
When Matt told me about the 20 days on the car, I could not freaking believe it. Do you at least get the same rental the whole time?
I'm so sorry that you and Howie are going through this! I don't know what to tell you aside from we'll all be here cheering you on!
I'm sorry you are suffering with weaning. It's always tough but it sounds like you are having a really rough go at it. I've been there with my husband and it's frustrating! Good luck. Hang in there.
First of all, (((hugs))) to you guys. I'm so sorry. It's not fair that it has to be this hard. I do know that you're both amazing parents and will make it through all this. Good luck!
Just wanted to add my sympathies for all the suckage going on. Hang in there!
As you know, I totally feel for you. For me, I am pretty certain Sam is not hungry, so I don't have that concern of yours. Maybe you can offer a bottle or sippy cup at night. That way you can determine if it really is hunger or just comfort nursing and you can figure it out without feeling guilty about him being legitimately hungry. I have heard of babies that will stop with the wakings once they realize that they will only get a cup rather than to nurse. If he doesn't drink from a cup he can't be that hungry.
I totally know what it is like to be questioning your next step. We're really flailing around over here with the whole sleep thing. Feel free to email me.
That is just plain hard regardless of the age and what is waking up your child (hunger or habit or anything else). I'm with the first commenter- do what feels right and if cold turkey is too drastic then don't do it.
Hang in there. The good news is that it doesn't last forever.
I am really hoping that things get a whole lot better in the sleep department for you guys very soon.
I know it is heart breaking.
Sucks about your car. Good for you for sticking to your guns regarding the car seat thing. Hoping I'll never need to use that line, though it is a darn good one!
Okay. Teaching them to sleep on thier own is HARD. Super hard. Even if you had dealt with it a year ago, or before, it still would have been hard. Some kids (so far we're two for two) just don't sleep so well on thier own. And I SO know what you are talking about with him already being so small and not being able to let him eat. K still can usually persuade a few extra minutes of pre-bedtime by announcing he is "just so hungry. Pease! let me eat" When it's also the COMFORT of nursing, it makes it doubley hard. Anyway, just know that even if you hadn't co-slept for this long, it may not have been easy. We are trying to get S in his own bed and it is a nightly, near hourly, stuggle. And he's not quite 7 months.
Your car. That is insane. Holy crap! But I *love* that line about them assuming responsibility should something happen. YAY! For them complying.
I loved the update. I haven't been on much in a week, and it was nice to get a quick rundown right upfront.
Wow. I am hoping that tonight goes better for you and Howie and Matt. You deserve to be able to sleep. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I wish I had some comforting words that would make you feel better. Hey, just remember the goal is sleep, and when you feel his tiny shoulder blades and ribs, remember that they grow while they are sleeping. All of that uninterrupted sleep=massive growing time. You'll get there. We all love you and are cheering for you! Trust your instincts.
I hope the car gets done sooner than that. I love that carseat. If we ever have another one, I am getting it for sure.
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