stages
Up until this point, every stage that Howie has gone through has been my favorite. I haven't missed any former stage because I've so ejoyed whatever point he is at. I loved the newborn snuggly stage, the months where he was free with a smile and laugh for everyone, sitting, crawling, babbling... not to mention learning to walk and the fun surprise of new words. I've loved the last months where we've been able to interact with him more, or at least have more positive feedback. The last two years of parenting can be described as nothing short of total infatuation. I am so head over heals in love with that kid.Right now I love being able to have actual conversations with him and watching how quickly he picks things up. He's got a sharp eye and notices many details that I miss. I'm always amazed at how much he knows. I love watching him figure out what he likes and see his personality come through. Unfortunately, I'm starting to grasp the meaning of the terrible twos at the same time.
He's driving me batty with the non-stop "what's that?" and "mom? mom? mom? mom? mom? mom?..." even when I'm looking right at him and have answered the first four times. I'm completely baffled sometimes by the intentional disobedience as he's testing his boundaries. Those things I can deal with with most of my patience intact. What I can't bear is the whining. He's pretty good about using please and thank you, but sometimes then the tone is so grating. He'll usually snap out of it if I remind him to use a nice voice and I think he's starting to get that I won't help him if he's whining. Not always though.
Sometimes after a few reminders that he needs to use a nice voice, he'll resort to hitting. Oh, the hitting. It almost makes me want to swing back sometimes. It also seems that everything I've tried to stop it has only made it worse, and it's noticibly worse since our trip last week. He sometimes says, "don't hit" as he's punching me in the arm, or "sorry, mama" before I've even had time to react(that testing boundaries thing again) . It's almost a given that he'll start swinging or kicking if he's feeling out of control at all (ie, we're changing your diaper whether or not you think you need it; no more cookies, no matter how many times you say please or how big of a fit you throw; yes, you have to wear pants today...) He'll even chase me down to hit my leg if I'm in the middle of something and not standing just where he wants me to be at the exact moment he thinks he needs me. I'm at a total loss.
I've tried time-outs, time-ins (where we sit together), ignoring it, walking away, talking about it, taking toys away (he so doesn't get that yet), sitting and reading and paying extra attention after we've gotten past the tantrum. I've tried giving options to avoid potential incidents- "would you like this, or that?" "nope."
any suggestions? I miss my consitently sweet and mellow kid.
posted by Valarie @ 4:34 PM
16 Comments:
oh man! I feel for you, I really, really do! T is doing the same thing. Tantrums here and there and every where. It's driving me insane. Sometimes he's hugging me to say sorry the instant he has done something (usually hitting me) because he recognises "THE LOOK". Luckily sending him to stand in the corner works pretty well. I just have to be more consistant with it.
I have no suggestion, but I want to see a picture of Olivia's kid standing in the corner because I'd bet it's hilariouis.
Go with your instincts. (Not the urge to hit back, however.)Kidding!
This too shall pass, or not, as you have other trials to figure out how to get through. It's all part of the game....so to speak.
I've been pondering the whole "surprised at how much you like Howie" discussion. I wonder why you didn't realize that parents do like their kids...Most of the time anyway. Maybe it's because parents like their kids more than kids like their parents?
those @!)#*#$ cousins (they are SUCH a bad infulence), and turning two doesn't help either. I don't have any ideas in what works. I try to have them sit either with or without me (depending on how willing they are to stay) and talk to them and they have to say sorry when they get to get up. I'm probably a pessimist, but three's not much better. Two was pretty grand.
For what it's worth, here's what I would do:
Anytime this situation occurs and he chooses NOT to hit you or yell at you, praise him to high heaven for it.
If he yells at you, walk away from him. Ignore him completely. Don't give him your attention until he is calm. It takes a while at this age, because they keep working themselves up, but it can be done.
If he hits you, drop to his level, hold his hands gently at his side, look him dead in the eye, and tell him (firmly) he cannot behave this way. Then lead him to a safe timeout place till he can relax. (Use a gentler voice to tell him to relax.) You'll have to teach him how to relax (make it a game, teaching him to take deep breaths--he'll probably giggle a lot).
It's a tough age, lots of redirect, redirect, redirect. But he can learn that his actions have the exact same consequences each and every time.
And your mom is totally right. Often it's a matter of minimizing the damage until they outgrow it.
i should clarify - MY kids are the #)(*$#!@ cousins :o)
It'll get better. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Except that I'm at a place where as one finally outgrows a horrible phase (and starts a new annoying thing) the next one is growing into the phase. Lovely fun.
But this isn't about me- it's about you and Howie. Keep up the good parenting- this too shall pass.
Let me just tell you to get used to the "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom" thing. It doesn't stop after 2, trust me. Even though I answer after the 1st time, I still hear "Mom, mom, mom, MOM" at least 4 times afterwards.....and then nothing. No response to my "what". Wait until he starts calling you "Dude, or man". I have to frequently remind my boy that I am not "dude or man", I am mom. (Although, sometimes I tell him that I am changing my name and not going to tell him what it is so that I can have a moment of peace without hearing mom, mom, mom, dude, man, or whatever.)
And as for the behavior, I really have no advice for you. We've tried time outs in the bathtub. As odd as it sounds, it actually seems to work. No water, no fun, total isolation. I think it usually works better on older kids though. (only because they understand the reprocussion of turning on the water, dumping out the shampoo, etc).
Oh....and my kids are the &*#$ cousins too. ;)
I have no advice to offer. My little guy's been doing the same thing off and on. it really is difficult sometimes!
the sweet and mellow kid is still in there. it will pass. you are doing all the right things... i'd just add lettign him knwo that you udnerstand he is frustrated (sometimes acknowledgement helps)! just keep it up. :)
my oh-so-experienced (:P) advice: wait a year. i was just thinking this week how much i LOVE where K is at right now. we went through such a rough, whiney, outofcontrol stage for so long, it seems, but now, he's so good. most of the time. and i know we'll deal with more in the future, but i'm SO glad to be done with the 2s (and worse for us: the 3s)
Oh dear...
Howie is a smart little kid! I couldn't help laughing when he said "nope" over the "would you like this, or that?".
I hope these tips can help you deal with him.
I hope it won't last long :).
Love,
Adwina
you sound like me. i've been blogging about the same thing. the only thing i have come up with is sticking to my guns. if it's a time out, then it REALLY is a time out. and he gets one EVERY time he does something he ain't spos'da!
I have no tips for you. Sadly, I'm in the same boat. Just know you're not alone. Good luck!
My 3 1/2 year old has just taken to tantrums. He never had them during the "terrible twos" so I guess I'm due, but man they are annoying.
I would just say try to be consistent, and try not to loose your cool (they really love that!). :)
I think we should lock Tess, Olivia's kid and Howie in a room together. Maybe they could drive each other crazy enough to be nice to us.
P.S. I have been lurking around but not saying much. When are we going to have another GNO. I need my fix!!!
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