many mundane moments

Let's get together, yeah yeah yeah

The Story of My Spouse, How We Met and Got Together- I gave the basics for how we met in last week's installment. Here it is again with a bit more detail and the next long year, aka "how we got together". Disclaimer, this story will contain several admissions that may cause a certain amount of embarassment to Matthew, myself or both, some of which have never before been disclosed (*).

It was the middle/end of August and Matt was just returning to school after spending 8 months at IBM. I was working in the dorms for the summer and was manning the front desk as students moved in. Matt walked into the lobby and I was awestruck. I simply had to talk to him. He was wearing sunglasses with yellow lenses and all I could think to ask was if they made him happy. embarassing admission #1* - I stole that line from the guy who worked at sunglass hut. When handing me a pair of yellow glasses said, "here, put these one. Don't they just make you happy?" Unlike the guy at sunglass hut, the line worked for me, and Matt stopped for several minutes to chat. He then went on to meet up with his friends. I had happened to meet the same friends over the summer and so they were able to tell him who I was when he asked "who the heck is that girl? did I know her before I took a semester off and just forget her?" As if he could have forgotten me!

Having friends in common at a very small school meant we spent a good deal of time together over the next few weeks. Also, working in the lobby of the building where he lived gave me ample opportunity to strike up conversation when he wandered through. Fast forward to September 21, 1999- roughly 10PM. Matt, in a rare instance, was looking to put off homework. He went wandering through the dorms looking to round up a group to play hide and seek on the quad (yes, really). I was the only one who was willing, which he later admitted was just what his plan was. We ended up going up to his room, lying around and watching his winamp plug in while we talked. (for the ungeeky- winamp made designs on the computer monitor in time to the music that you were playing). #2- We talked for several hours and then kissed for a couple more.

The next day, I introduced him to the concept of NCMO (non-committal make out for those who have never been to Utah or Idaho or known someone who went to college in one of those states). Truth be told, I was falling for him fast and hard, but I was not going to admit that. About a week later, we went on our first *real* date. It was dinner at a very unromantic Perkins. It was more than akward. I was nervous and tend to eat fast anyway, so I was done with my meal well before Matt had even gotten started. I had let my roommate pick out my shirt for me. It was a spaghetti strap tank top- one of hers, and so I sat there shivering and trying to respond intelligently while Matt spent more time focused on making conversation than eating his dinner, thereby dragging it out even longer. Not the best first date ever, and not the only bump we encountered in our courtship.

The maid of honor in our wedding joked that she was going to make a speech that was something along the lines of "first they were together, and then the were apart... and then they were together... and then they were apart..." We seemed to break up every few weeks, but all that ever really changed was how we defined our relationship. We continued to talk and hang out (and often kiss) just as much as when we said we were dating. There was one main reason we were so on again, off again. It's embarassing admission #3* (and the biggest of our story)- you see, Matt thought it was okay to have sex before you were married and I didn't. We would start to get a little too serious and I would tell him that I couldn't date him. That would last about a week and then we'd admit to ourselves we really were still dating and would respond thusly when asked. Then we'd get a little too comfortable and I'd call it off again. It really kept our friends and family guessing since there was never much fluctuation in the actual amount of time we spent together.

We continued that way through that semester. Matt came back to spend New Year's Eve with me and he went to church with me that Sunday. Let's just say the differences between a mormon service (fast sunday, no less) and a lutheran one were a bit disconcerting to him. We had a discussion that went something like this "would you ever consider marrying someone who wasn't mormon?" me, "no, would you ever be one?" him, "no." me, "well, then there's no point in us dating anymore." him, "no, I guess not." He immediately headed back to his parents' house, where I was supposed to have accompanied him. What followed was the longest 36 hours of my life. We'd broken up before, but never over this reason, and never in such definite terms.

He finally called me on Monday night. Yeah, it only lasted a day, but it was a miserable one. It seems that his day had been as rough as mine. We both broke down and he invited me to join him. My sister drove me and we met half way. If our first date can be called akward, there is no word that can describe spending the next couple days with his family immediately after such a serious conflict. I can see where they were coming from. I mean, Matt showed up alone in a pretty bad state with only me to blame and the next day he announced I was coming to visit. How were they supposed to react to that?

The next 8 months or so went pretty much the same way, except I was living in Utah. Matt came that August to help me move back to start school again and we had a very serious, define the relationship type talk. We thought we concluded once and for all that our lives were heading in different directions and that it was really time to stop dating. Again, the amount of time we spent together didn't really change, but I can say that this time we didn't make out quite like we had during other "non-dating" times. He was definitely my best friend and the one I turned to when I needed to talk or needed anything at all. I had emergency surgery near the end of September and I think it scared him a little. He told me soon after how important I was in his life, but I held out a little longer, still insisting that I wasn't going to date him again.

He was getting ready to graduate, and as a close friend, I was still very interested in his life and where he might be going. One night as I was praying I tried to ask that he would find a job in the right place for him. Only, I couldn't say the word him. It just wouldn't come out. I tentatively changed it to "us?" and felt a feeling of peace wash over me. I knew I was going to marry him and that it was what I was supposed to do. We got engaged a couple weeks later in early November, after he got a job offer for a firm in Sandy, UT. He graduated in December and moved to UT in January. We were married in May and I moved here to join him.

At that time, I know that many of our friends and some of our family had concerns as to the strength of our relationship. I won't say they were unfounded because they did watch us go through a fairly rocky year and a half leading up to our wedding. I like knowing that we've proved them wrong. Having removed the major stumbling block of our courtship (as you see, sex after marriage is a-okay), we have a pretty great relationship. I don't mean it to sound like that was the only reaon we got married, but it's nice when the biggest concern of your dating life is a non-issue the day you get married.

All I can say is that I'm glad I never had the strength to break it off completely in those early months. I think deep down I knew that I needed him in my life. I am so glad that I get to share my life with him. The first time my mom met him, her only comment was that she thought he'd put up with me. He does that and more. I am so very lucky to have met him.

posted by Valarie @ 9:03 AM